Each morning when I prepare to run the streets of Soddo, I lace up my shoes.
Wait, who am I kidding? I never even untie them; I just slide them on and head out for an hour or so of exercise – and several dozen social interactions.
As I leave the safety of my home, I know I’ll be seeing some of my favorite people. The Catholic priest we see just outside the gate who stops to shake hands on his way to give mass to the nuns. The aerobics group that yells “Morning!Morning!” as loudly as possible. The really tall guy who oversees people getting on and off of the Zemen bus who gives a big wave. The guy in a colorful headscarf who yells, “Wolaita.” The kids who live on the street and scream, “Cherry.” The young man with a physical disability who sometimes joins me for part of the run. Oh, and I can’t forget the little old lady who used to wag her finger at me, but now gives a little wave instead.
I’m happy to see them because they are important people in my life.
Now, I know this might seem a little strange, especially since I only know a few of their names!
But as I’ve come to realize, they’re something known as my “weak ties.” A weak tie is someone you know, but not well. More of an acquaintance. Intense emotions are usually absent. They are contrasted with “strong ties” – family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. People you know and interact with regularly on a personal, first-name, and emotional basis.
I first learned about weak and strong ties from Malcom Gladwell in a book called The Tipping Point. I was fascinated by the idea that people we have a passing relationship with can prove to be important. Gladwell emphasized that these individuals outside our normal networks know things – and people- we would not otherwise have access to. Building relationships with them can give us the ability to find new jobs, share ideas, and become more influential. The more weak ties, the more power. Especially of interest to me was the idea that if I know a lot of people, I can help others more by being a connector. If my best friend is looking for a job, and I remember that a woman I met at the gym mentioned in passing that she’s looking to hire someone, then I can serve as connector between them. If the guy down the hall at work is single and my running partner is open to a blind date, there just might be a love match made. Weak ties are a bridge to new information and new people.
So, what exactly does this have to do with the people I see on the street in Soddo each morning? I mean, I’m not exactly having conversations that lead to employment or marriage proposals for anyone.
Well, it turns out there is even more to this weak tie thing than what I knew. I recently came across a podcast called “The Power of Tiny Interactions” on one of my favorite shows, Hidden Brain. The woman being interviewed, Gillian Sandstrom, is a researcher who focuses on something called “minimal social interactions” – also known as talking to strangers. She’s examined why people are afraid to speak to those they don’t know, and what happens when they do. Amazingly, she has found that creating weak ties by talking to people we don’t know actually helps us to feel HAPPIER! Smiling, waving, being friendly, and chatting creates a sense of belonging and some of our needs for social support are met, simply by interacting in a pleasant way with the person we buy coffee from, the man who drives the bus, or the waitress at our favorite restaurant.
Living in a culture that is not your own can be lonely and hard. We’ve been in Ethiopia for 5 years, but every day I realize how many more things I don’t understand. People still regularly remind me I’m not from here by yelling “forenji” (foreigner) at me. If I’m being honest, it’s tempting to stay in my house, rarely leave our campus, and just focus on my strong ties. A lot of cross-cultural workers around the globe do just that.
And then I think about the happiness I feel when I see a big smile in the morning from one of “my guys.” When we lock eyes and say “Salem” to each other. Especially when I’ve been out of town for a few days and they yell “Tafash” (“You disappeared”) at me.
It’s at that point that I realize I’m their weak tie, too! We are helping each other feel more connected in this world of disconnection. We’re telling each other “it’s a good thing you are alive” by our greetings. We’re promoting each other’s happiness in a small, but meaningful, way.
And while I may never help one of them find employment and they may never be my strong shoulder to cry on when I’m feeling lonely, in some small way, we’re tied together as humans. And for that, I’ll gladly slip on my shoes and head out with a smile!
nate & cheryl 